im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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