Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
