u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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