I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
