well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
