You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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