sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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