Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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