I'm going to jail i love you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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