I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
