even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
