If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
