he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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