At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
