She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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