We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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