Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
