The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
