I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
