it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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