his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
