Who wears a wallet chain?!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
