You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
