Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
