Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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