Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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