its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
