is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
