So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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