So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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