Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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