You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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