Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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