I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
