So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
