He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
