I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
People in love make me want to vomit
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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