1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
