i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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