I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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