I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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