Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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