did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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