The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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