I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
