You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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