no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
