started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
