So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
