Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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