hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
