she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
