I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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