walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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