I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
vagina is talking i cant
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
