I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
