Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
