look no pants
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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