I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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