We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
