I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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