she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
