Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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