i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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