also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize