im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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