I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
