Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
