we have officially lost it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i think i just lost a toe
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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