There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Michael Bay diarrhea
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i've created a new STD.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
