Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
