Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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