the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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