she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize