You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
