So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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