I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
