we made out on top of his cat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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