if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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