i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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