ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize