Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
