I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I believe in your delicious
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize