she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
