I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
where are my pants?
in the oven.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
